"I always sleep with my guns when you're gone"

Last night was Dartmouth Day, Jason also showed "Blood Storm" for the first time. I was very impressed! It was so great to see so many people and catch up. Jen and Steph came out, I hadn't seen Jen in so long! she's still the same. I want to hang out with her more.

However, there was something about last night that was not quite right, I'm not sure what. It just seems like whenever that many people group together there is a hint of hostility. I like to think that it's my own paranoia or that it all exists in sarcasm and humor but I can't get past the belief that a lof of "jokes" that circulate among my group of friends are fueled by some sort of truth. Maybe it's just so mundane that people fail to notice it, or the fact that a lot of my friends will stoop to criticism for a laugh from their friends. I know I do this too. Don't get me wrong, I love each and everyone of my friends individually, there were just some words thrown around last night that hid a bad nerve with me. Either way, i'm not going to pout about it, I just wish that I didn't feel like people disliked me sometimes. NOt even dislike, just that people are indifferent. Oh well. I feel strange ranting on like this. Either way, there is a strong possibility that I won't even be here come September and days like this make the anxiety of leaving more bearable.

I think it's the rain or something. I'm not myself today. I hope no one takes any of this crap personally, it's just how I feel.

xoxox
~Sar