I like stuff

Ah. So stress! I hate moving. I've only done it once before this it was when I was 14 so I didn't really have to consider the technicalities of phone, electricity, moxing bowls, garbage bags, etc. It's weird to have to do the things that my parents normally do for me. For the last few weeks, i've found myself going through each day and noting every single thing that I use (toothpaste? $3--i think?, garbage bags, cheese, tampons...), things that I don't even know the price of. Ah. Oh well, at least Walmart is like a 3 minute walk away. I think i'm just going to buy everything that I ever need again from Walmart. I also think that i'm going to spend the majority of my time watching dvd's (note to self: buy dvd player), eating a lot of food and fattening up, and reading. All three activies require sitting on my ass which is what I do best. I like how one side of our apartment is a bunch of dead people (graveyard) and the other is just this sprawl of industrial crap (McDonald's, Walmart, Blockbuster, some Pizza Party place). We need to get curtains because I, for one, cannot sleep very well when the view from my window is thousands of tomb stones. Plus, i'm still kinda spooked from The Grudge.

The other night, at supper, my Dad said something that almost made me cry. It seems like I cry or almost cry a lot lately. Maybe I just exaggerate. I guess it's easier to say " I cried" than "I almost cried" (yea, it's a lie but it's a white lie, shut up). ANYWAYS, this instance actually did bring tears to my eyes. My new phrase (in my house) is this: "Why do you care?! I'll be outta here soon anyways, then you won't have to deal with me!"
Sarah: "let me wear your jacket, Alison"
Alison: " NO, you wear it everyday!"
Sarah: "Come on champ, soon i'll be outta here"
Alison: "But I kinda wanted to wear--"
Sarah: "--Shut up! Soon i'll be outta here, is that what you want?!"

So anyways, manipulating conversations with the intention of getting what I want have been occuring frequently (above example). So back to said example that made me cry: We're sitting at the table and my Mom starts doing what she does best (nagging me and whatnot) and of course, I sprew out: "Listen! I'll never really see you guys more than once a week soon anyways!" so after I said that I looked over at my Dad and he just says (this is the heartbreaker): "Sarah, I don't think I could live if I only saw you once a week. I just couldn't do it" and pipe burst! My eyes just filled up and I just starred at my mashed potatoes and started shovelling them down my throat thinking that they could somehow stop my tears. I don't know why such a simple comment got me so cholked up. I think that simplicity is sometimes what manages to just get me. It's just raw, simple, truth and for some reason it made me feel so good. I guess it's just the "can't live" complex, it's just so nice to hear that from someone! Anyways, i'm sure you probably all think that i'm pathetic or being a typical girl. Oh well.

So today I found the BEST NOTE from a certain friend of mine [read: a friend who reads this blog regularly]. She wrote it to me after I had my little break down when I was 18 (the three months when my life went to shit? remember? it sucked). Anyways, the note was so cute and nice and I don't even know if she remembers writing it. Anyways, my favorite line was this: "Think of all the retards in the Special Olympics. They don't have much....but look at them! Look how happy they are just to be a party of something! We need to learn to be happy with the simple things... Oh k so that's a bad example, but seriously! Watch a retard win a medal sometime, it'll make you smile!". The note proceeded to tell me how great I was and after I read it I laughed at that retard comment for awhile, now i'm updating this blog.

And last night I watched "Army of Darkness" ( i think?). Nicole is mad I think. She should know that I like her a lot. I had a really good night last night and thisi weekend is going to be insanity! But good insanity. Like people who eat cars for world records insanity, not Charles Manson insanity.

So tonight Evan is showing his movie--the one i'm in! I want to see it.

I need to go now.
Lovely love, Sarah