As the days roll by disconnected.....

Do you ever feel so disgustingly overwhelmed that you deliberately dehabilitate yourself to avoid swaying one way or another? This is me. Lately, I would so much rather reside in my foggy head than choose either/or. Each decision I make involves loosing an important part of my life and vise versa. It makes me miss being young. I wish I could group things into categories and knock them off one by one. Romantic relationships: demonlished/dead, Academic focus: pining and pining and whining and whining. Family connections: Going fairly strong. Physical heath: Plummeting without resistance. Job/work: sitting on the fence. If I could improve two areas of my life they would be better decision making skills and more will power. Although the two can certainly be tagged as synonmous, I am weak in both areas. I just wish I had someone who would yell at me, or take away things until I made decisions. Or maybe positive reinforcement and reward me for a decision well made. But really, who is qualitifed to do that? It would need to be someone verrrrrry old, like 600 years old, like Moses.

I've made a list of New Years Resolutions. This is the deal: i'm going to list them here and none of you idiots can throw them in my face. This is for F U N!
1. Smoke less. Way less. Smoke when drinking or stressed. Smoke when I make a good decision. Don't smoke around cats (Rio's fur is turning a little yellow).
2. NO SHOPPING. I mean this. I think of all the money I spend on frivelous things and it's depressing. I have to go until Feb 14th without spending.
3. NO EATING OUT unless strictly SOCIAL. I don't want to waste money on drunken McDonald's visits any longer.

Those are a few things I would like to work on. Along with being generally more upbeat.